Last month I said I wasn’t going to do it. I tried my hardest to resist, but like Anakin Skywalker once did before me, I turned to the dark side. I went out on New Years, after writing a blog about how much I hate New years.
New Years this year might have been the coldest day ever. I mean ever, in the whole history of the world.
It was so cold, it made me become a conservative on the issue of climate change.
I went to a party in South Boston, got off at Andrew station, and only had about a 5 to 10 minute walk to the apartment I was going to for the party. I was wearing some new Damn Daniels (dress shoes) and it got so cold that I started to
jog sprint half way into my walk, which brought back memories of that time I almost got jumped by two hood ass dudes walking back from a club at 2am alone, when I was a sophomore in college. I’ll save that story for another time. I finally arrived at the party and I couldn’t feel my hands for more than thirty minutes. I guess that’s why I was so cold blooded when it came to beruit (beer pong) because your boy went 7 and 0 for the night. #mambamentality.
I had a great time actually, and I followed a lot of my own advice, but also felt like a hypocrite at the same time, especially when I received texts like this.
Although I did go out, I followed my fool proof strategies. I didn’t Uber at all throughout the night. I also didn’t spend a million dollars at some shitty club…… cough…. Bijou …. cough …cough. I also ended up crashing at the party, so thanks to the home owners for letting me crash. I also didn’t get too drunk. I drank champagne and keg beer the whole night, and only took like three Jell-O shots. I also got to see a lot of my friends who I hadn’t seen in while, which was great. Although I didn’t get too drunk, I was on full Jon Yolo/ Ben Savage/ Young Damn Daniel mode all night. I brought out the clout goggles and it was game over. I hit someone’s Juul and got way too lightheaded and
realized how much of a pussy I am. I then volunteered to do the first keg stand of the night. The funny thing about doing keg stands is they never happen early in the night. They happen when everyone’s hitting their drunk peak, which causes a lot of un-organization. I stepped up to the plate, but I had no idea who else was going to step up to the plate, and hold my legs up. It’s a rather peaceful moment, when your legs momentum throws your floating body off balance, and as you realize you have no way to save yourself, there’s only one thought in your mind. Paul Newman and a Ride Home. “I’m fucked.” It turns out that the two drunkest people at the party volunteered to hold me up, and this was the result.
I got straight Logan Pauled by the bro in the front, who had no regard for human life and just let me fall on my face so he could get it on his snap. Shaking my damn head.
I actually caught myself pretty well, and didn’t get hurt at all. The only thing I was concerned about was my turtle neck getting ruined, but there wasn’t a scratch on it. Fuck Logan Paul by the way, and also no hard feeling to the bro recording me falling, I would have probably done the same if I were in his shoes, and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get that thumbnail for your vlog. Shoutout to my cousin Paul.
Okay so at this party there was one thing that stood out to me. Almost no one had proper keg etiquette. I felt like I was with a bunch of people who had never used a keg before. Every time someone went up to get a cup, they would PUMP THE SHIT out of the keg. The point of the pump is to add air or some shit into the keg so the beer comes out, but when its over pumped, the beer gets way too foamy. I kept telling people the keg was pumped, yet they kept pumping it anyway, and thought the keg was foamy because the keg was running low. WRONG AF. Some people just could not grasp this concept. I felt like I was watching cavemen hit rocks together, trying to start a fire, when they have matches and a lighter in front of them. They just needed to keep pumping that fucking keg. There were only about 25/30 people at the most at this party, and we had a half barrel keg of beer, which holds like 120 beers. Only about 1/4 of the people there were actually drinking from the keg, plus everyone was drinking their own alcohol as well, and it most certainly never hit a point where it was almost finished. I would know. I slept there, and the thing was still half full the next day. Sorry for the rant, but its just something I needed to get off my chest. If the keg is pumped, you don’t need to keep pumping it, and making everyone’s beer way too foamy. You can always pump a keg, you can’t always un-pump a keg, so next time you’re at a party remember proper #kegediquette.
If you like this content please tweet me @jlindahl1, follow me on Instagram @somedrunkwriter, share this post on Facebook, and comment on this blog. I’ll also be posting every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Thank you for reading!
P.S. I’ll be giving away $50 on January 19th. That’s like 5 gin and tonics at a nice club. Just DM me your Venmo user name. Only three people so far are in the drawing, so your chances of winning $50 would be 1 in 4. In order to enter the drawing, I just need you to tag three friends in the comment section of my Instagram post, share this post on Facebook, and give my Facebook page a like and solid review. (Five stars please). Then just DM me that you did this, and I’ll put you in the drawing. It’s a free $50 and all you have to do is three small steps. I will announce the winner on January 19th, and when you need $50 on January 20th, when you want to face a liter of Ciroc, you’ll be wishing you commented on my Instagram, shared my post on Facebook, and gave me a review. The choice is yours my friends, and always has been. Hit my DM.