So the Bruins lost in the playoffs three days ago and I couldn’t be happier. You might ask “Why are you happy? You’re from Boston.” Well I’m here to tell you the reasons why.
I’m not sure if I hate hockey or if I just hate hockey fans. For some reason hockey fans have this weird chip on their shoulder, where they always feel the need to prove why hockey is the superior sport, specifically against basketball, when no one really cares or bothers to argue back. They constantly bash basketball for no apparent reason and bring up dumb points on why hockey is better. One reason I constantly hear is…..
“The Last Two Minutes are the Only Minutes That Matter In Basketball!”
I hear this argument all the time and it makes zero sense. I can’t tell if these idiots are meaning to say the last two minutes are the most important, or if they legitimately think a basketball game is tied for 46 minutes and the game starts at minute 47. The latter wouldn’t surprise me. In literally any sport you could say this. In football the last two minutes are also the most important because its the end of the game. They even stop the game at two minutes in each half. Yes, coaches save their time outs, and yes the last two minutes involve designing plays that take intelligence to come up with, and skills to execute, which brings up another point.
99.9% of Goals in Hockey are Freak Plays or Deflections
Every hockey game that I’ve had to watch I’ve noticed one thing…. every goal was some freak play that didn’t require much skill. And to make things worse, this sport ends their games with a shoot out??????? Imagine if basketball ended with a free throw shooting contest. That would be absurd, but its acceptable in hockey.
Where is the Puck?
I have no idea what is happening in hockey, and to make things worse NO ONE knows where the puck is while watching it on TV. Look at this picture above. I would need a damn magnifying glass to find where the puck is. How can you watch a sport where you don’t know where to…….uhhhhh…………watch?
Every College Hockey Player is 27 Years Old
This doesn’t have anything to do with my argument but I needed to get this off my chest. Why the fuck is every college hockey player a 27 year old freshman? There are 19 year old NBA players while some grown ass man is dorming with 18 year olds. This is actually a solid move the more I think about it. Why not experience college through your friends, then when your friends graduate law school, say fuck it and go to college. The real world does suck so might as well experience college as long as possible.
At least Hockey Would Beat Up Any Other Sport!!!!!!!!!!!
This the the NBA back in the day when it was pretty physical. As the NBA got more popular they needed to make the sport more family friendly and less violent like every other sport that becomes nationally recognized. The thing hockey fans don’t get is if it wasn’t for fights no one would watch hockey. The NHL knows this, and its the only reason they let it happen. The fights are actually pretty cool though not gonna lie.
Hockey’s Elitist Attitude
Yea I went there. Hockey isn’t available to be played by anybody. In almost every town or city I’ve been to in the U.S. I have seen a basketball hoop as well. Basketball is a universal way to bring other people together. No matter how rich or poor you are, the only thing that matters is how good you are on the court. All you need is a ball, sneakers, and a hoop and you’re good to go, unlike hockey. Not every kid has the opportunity to buy thousands of dollars worth of equipment, or has the luxury of having parents who can drive them to an ice rink at 4:00 in the morning. Not every kid has access to skating lessons growing up, and parts of the world never experience ice at all. This creates only a small bubble of actual players, which quite frankly makes the competition suffer. I remember my high school varsity hockey team had 8th graders on the team, and I live in Boston. I could only imagine how bad the competition is in warm places like Florida. A janitor could lace up the skates and walk on to an NHL team at this point. Imagine these guys going up against someone like Lebron James who had skated his whole life? It wouldn’t be pretty.
Angry Hockey Dads
This point can’t be argued. Angry Hockey Dads are the worst. They peaked in high school, and are miserable as they work 80 hour weeks at their law firm. They take out all their aggression at their kids hockey game, or in their Rolls Royce, pulling out of the parking lot after the game ends. The cycle continues as hockey dad creates shitty hockey kid and so on.
So yea hockey fans, just chill out. Play your sport that you love so much, but try not to think its a constant competition over which sport is superior. I’ll watch basketball and you can watch hockey. Hopefully the Bruins can win a game next year, I’ll be watching the Celtics who are still in the playoffs baby.
P.S. Fuck Hockey.