Listen to me right fucking now… library cards are the single coolest thing to have in your wallet. Fuck condoms. Fuck your AmEx. This shit was preached by Arthur back in the 90s and it’s still relevant more than ever right now.

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When you are about to pay for your bar tab or your coffee, take out your library card instead (clearly by accident) and try to pay with that. It won’t work but it shows that you keep that mf thang on you. It shows that you are well read and knowledgeable and if there are any cute girls in your proximity then it’s a turn on (obviously). It’s a great convo started as well. You can start by saying how embarrassed you are, library cards can’t buy regular items. You “forgot” that you put it in your credit card slot because you use it so much. Much more than you use your credit card. Both are the same size and plastic so this should allow the girl to believe you. From there you can talk about the most recent book you checked out. Whether it be 50 Shades of Grey (I don’t judge) or the newest top book on the popular list. Either way you can move this conversation any way you would like. The opportunities are vast, and it is all up to you.

I recently got my library card, my first one since I was in Middle School. You can check out almost any book on this planet. Books are so dope, you can find any spec of information you could ever dream of by reading. They have books on every subject on earth. The problem is people don’t take the time to read. People would rather scroll twitter (which is fun, and I condone) or read click bait headlines. You know what’s a click bait: Moby fucking Dick. That book really did kinda suck in my opinion, but I am getting off track here. The library not only has books you can check out, but you can also rent movies. Some library will charge a fee for this but its like $1 or less per movie. Which in my mind is not bad whatsoever. The other feature the library has is discounted tickets, for museums, or anything else they can get their hands on. Knowledge is power and if that sentence is true then the library is the most powerful building in any town. Fuck your town hall. Bunch of creepy old dudes trying to decide if your streets can get pot holes or not. If you want me, I’ll be accumulating wealth and power from my hideaway: The Library.

Follow me on twitter: @single_dad69420


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